I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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