Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
