I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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