non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize