How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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