Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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