We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
