at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
