doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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