Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
