I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize