And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
