dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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