my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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