THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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