i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
