I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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