Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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