i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
