Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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