We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
They have beer where we have blood.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
