I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
