apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
His hands were made for my vagina.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Randomize
