Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
