need another drink. this is the easiest way
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
