If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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