The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
