I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
