"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
