Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
