can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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