Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
