i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
