I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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