guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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