When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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