In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
you will always have a special place in my vag
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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