well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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