Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
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