I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
