I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
