Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize