If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
