apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Randomize
