I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
