Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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