I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
