I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
