That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Randomize
