remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
