Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
