The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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