i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
