You really coming over, don't trick.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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