glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
