Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
