started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
