I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
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