I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
