so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
