I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
