omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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