the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
