the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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