He uses pillows to masturbate.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
