omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
