I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
