why didn't you poke me back
Someone shit on the floor
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
