Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
then he tried to convert me to islam
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
