there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
