Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
