If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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