I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
