i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
