4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
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