Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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