Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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