Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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