My brain says no but my pants say off.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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