Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
