we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
