Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
